28 June 2011

Such Fun!

Had my second panic attack last night... ya, much fun. Started around 8pm, when I realized I couldn't focus on what I was watching. I managed to stave it off for a few hours, with relaxed breathing and positive thought, but it eventually took over. All I remember around 10pm, is pacing around my living room, thinking of how much money an ambulance and ER visit will cost me, and before I could ponder it much longer, I was dressed and downstairs, waiting for paramedics.

Everything in what was left of my sane mind kept saying, you will get past this... you will be normal again. But it wasn't loud enough, and I knew it was stupid calling 911, but two years ago when I had a panic attack at 1:30am, I spent the whole night in the ER with an undiagnosed affliction, eventually leaving at 6am and going home to sleep.

This time, since I knew what it was, they sent me to the Psych area. So I waited over an hour in an empty waiting room with nasty chairs, a tiny cup of water, and Late Night with Jimmy Fallon boring me to death. I finally told the desk nurse I felt okay to leave, but she had the therapist come out to discharge me anyway. This woman completely resembled Tara's alter-ego Buck, but with her hair down; she was helpful... basically telling me that two panic attacks in 2 years is nothing to be worried about, regarding long-term treatment, etc. So next time it happens, I have a Crisis Center number to call, or the ER's nurse line so someone can talk me down and help the attack pass without having to get insurance involved.

Finally I left at 12:45am, driven home by a completely stoned-out-of-reality cab driver, who made me pre-pay for the ride because 'it was faster' (so my anxiety kicked back in a little and I thought this was a ploy to abduct me... pre-paying so it looks like he dropped me off at the house). The anxiety passed once I noticed he was baked, but I kinda snapped at him when he was taking a wrong turn... :/

I know I shouldn't feel embarrassed or stupid for bothering people with something I knew would pass, but when you live alone and it's a work night, it's tough to reassure your sane mind when 90% of your thought capacity is taken up by 'omg I'm going to die!'.

So anyway... finally feeling normal again after a 150 heart rate, adrenaline-spiked evening. Phew!

17 June 2011

Why Kerning Exists

At the size this online banner was built at, all I read is "the world's best horror fucks". LOL... yup. I had to squint to see that it actually says 'flicks', but because of poor kerning between the 'L' and the 'I', you get mixed messages! :P

01 June 2011


A friend once told me, 'you don't get very passionate about things...'. And it made me think, yeah, I don't really have one or two huge/strong passions, like most people seem to. But I get passionate about MANY things! I guess I just spread it out evenly amongst them... with a little extra put with a couple of my favorites. Or maybe he didn't know me as well as he should have, to observe this trait of mine... :/

Dunno why I thought of this just now, but it both irks and upsets me when I do remember it.