White Tulip

Fringe S2 Ep18 has to be one of my top three favorite episodes of the series so far. It's well-written, even-paced, and focuses on two characters' similar struggles with a decision they made in the past. Discussions of time-travel and the ever-popular science/god debate are coherent, and the two final scenes at the end are the most amazing gestures of humanity I have ever seen in science fiction!

Such Fun!

Had my second panic attack last night... ya, much fun. Started around 8pm, when I realized I couldn't focus on what I was watching. I managed to stave it off for a few hours, with relaxed breathing and positive thought, but it eventually took over. All I remember around 10pm, is pacing around my living room, thinking of how much money an ambulance and ER visit will cost me, and before I could ponder it much longer, I was dressed and downstairs, waiting for paramedics.

Everything in what was left of my sane mind kept saying, you will get past this... you will be normal again. But it wasn't loud enough, and I knew it was stupid calling 911, but two years ago when I had a panic attack at 1:30am, I spent the whole night in the ER with an undiagnosed affliction, eventually leaving at 6am and going home to sleep.

This time, since I knew what it was, they sent me to the Psych area. So I waited over an hour in an empty waiting room with nasty chairs, a tiny cup of water, and Late Night with Jimmy Fallon boring me to death. I finally told the desk nurse I felt okay to leave, but she had the therapist come out to discharge me anyway. This woman completely resembled Tara's alter-ego Buck, but with her hair down; she was helpful... basically telling me that two panic attacks in 2 years is nothing to be worried about, regarding long-term treatment, etc. So next time it happens, I have a Crisis Center number to call, or the ER's nurse line so someone can talk me down and help the attack pass without having to get insurance involved.

Finally I left at 12:45am, driven home by a completely stoned-out-of-reality cab driver, who made me pre-pay for the ride because 'it was faster' (so my anxiety kicked back in a little and I thought this was a ploy to abduct me... pre-paying so it looks like he dropped me off at the house). The anxiety passed once I noticed he was baked, but I kinda snapped at him when he was taking a wrong turn... :/

I know I shouldn't feel embarrassed or stupid for bothering people with something I knew would pass, but when you live alone and it's a work night, it's tough to reassure your sane mind when 90% of your thought capacity is taken up by 'omg I'm going to die!'.

So anyway... finally feeling normal again after a 150 heart rate, adrenaline-spiked evening. Phew!

Why Kerning Exists

At the size this online banner was built at, all I read is "the world's best horror fucks". LOL... yup. I had to squint to see that it actually says 'flicks', but because of poor kerning between the 'L' and the 'I', you get mixed messages! :P

Passion

A friend once told me, 'you don't get very passionate about things...'. And it made me think, yeah, I don't really have one or two huge/strong passions, like most people seem to. But I get passionate about MANY things! I guess I just spread it out evenly amongst them... with a little extra put with a couple of my favorites. Or maybe he didn't know me as well as he should have, to observe this trait of mine... :/

Dunno why I thought of this just now, but it both irks and upsets me when I do remember it.

Friday Adventure

Last Friday I drove up to Rogers to dog-sit my cousin's pup all weekend. Of course, even though I left work early and was on the road by 3:30, 94W was still backed up! It was fine until I hit the 494/94 split, then it was dead stopped. This map illustrates the routes I took (and tried to take):



Oh, and thank you phone for the GPS!

5-Year Plan

You know how your personality changes throughout your life...? Well mine, I've noticed, is on a five-year timeline. About every five years, I change... I evolve... transform slowly into someone better, but I'm still essentially me... just with a different outlook on things.

I dunno if it's the end of my Saturn's Return or if I'm at the 5-year mark or what, but in these past few weeks, I've felt different... felt a change happening... and have been thinking differently about life. I've been more motivated and happy... and I even purchased a 'mid-life crisis' scooter to play with.

This change is gonna be a good one... and I will embrace it!

Scooter

Two days ago, I bought a scooter!!! :D I just felt inspired one day to get one, so I did some research, got my motorcycle permit, and basically learned how to drive it right off the lot.



I was going to get the 125cc engine model, but the colors are really limited... this International one caught my eye and I had to have it! It's more maroon than the photo shows, but in my excitement of driving it whenever I can, I forget to take a decent pic. :P

It's a Genuine Buddy 150 International and I'm lovin' it tons!!!

I drove it to work today... locked it up with the bikes in the loading dock. It makes me nervous to do that because it's a semi-public area, but I suppose that paranoia will decrease over time. I figured out how to lock the wheel, so you can't roll it without the key, and I used my epic bike lock to secure it. Safe and sound!

Now I have to practice driving so I can take my license test in a few months and be all officially motorcycle-awesome chick! Weee!